It isn’t about which app you’re using, but how you’re using it
Despite the initial awkwardness, my extroverted personality saved me and we were soon all talking and having a good time together. She texted me the next day, but I told her I couldn’t meet up, and I never heard from her again.
My next dates on HER varied a lot. One date went exceptionally well, and we casually dated for two months until I got ghosted by her. Others were clear they only wanted something physical, and didn’t actually care about me as a person.
Next up was Bumble.
Bumble has a lot of buzz because it requires girls to send the first message. In other words, a guy can’t initiate contact when swiping with females. I am used to traditional gender roles being switched-up, so I doubted Bumble’s rules of initiation would have much of an impact on my experience.
Skepticism aside, I immediately noticed Bumble profiles include less information than both Tinder and HER profiles. It only includes your occupation, university, and age, and you only see a bio after swiping through all their pictures. I preferred having more information, but I heard a lot of good things about Bumble so I shrugged it aside.
Swiping for dates, I immediately noticed that the people on Bumble tended to be a lot more attractive than on any of the other apps. I was blown away by it hot or not, quite frankly. Were they all real?
My Bumble dates weren’t catfishes, and I had a great time with both of my dates. I met one date at a bar which turned into dinner after, and another for a romantic stroll through Central Park. They were both nice and seemed to be really genuine. I never saw them again though. Despite having a good time, I realized I wasn’t ready to date again yet.
After going on this dating spree, I realized that I could very easily end up forever alone. Casual dating is exhausting, even in a city like New York where you’d think the streets would be swarming with potential.
I personally preferred Bumble because the people seemed to be slightly more genuine (and attractive) than on the other apps, but that’s just me. From using so many dating apps I realized a lot more than just which one I preferred though. I realized I wasn’t in the right mental state to be dating and that there is a serious problem with all of the apps.
Dating apps can knock you down.
Going on so many dates made me realize that I hadn’t totally healed from my past relationship. A lot of the people I met were great, but I often couldn’t bring myself to see them again, no matter how much chemistry we had. Something kept me from moving on: I wasn’t – and am still not – over my ex.
I decided to listen to my heart, and have since taken a dating hiatus. At this point, I need to learn to be alone with myself before diving into something new.
Although I initially thought being on dating apps would help me move on, it actually slowed down my healing process from my breakup. Getting ghosted on, being treated like a piece of meat, and worrying about other’s options was exhausting, and knocked me down instead of building me back up.
I also realized a lot of the struggles I experienced from dating apps is because people, of all genders, don’t communicate what they want.
If you only want a hookup but match with someone who wants a relationship, for example, the date probably isn’t going to go well for either of you. So it’s probably best to just bite the bullet and be up front about what you’re looking for from the beginning in the nicest way possible. I regret not being upfront with my dates about that fact that I wasn’t in the mental space for a relationship, because it wasn’t fair to them to leave them hanging.